Being positive about hearing loss

Tania Le Marinel, creator of a new independent online directory for deaf and hard-of-hearing people, Soundz Off, has moderate low-frequency hearing loss and wears two hearing aids.  As a self-employed management coach helping people overcome problems in their personal and professional lives, Tania is passionate about the vital role positive thinking plays in coping successfully with hearing loss.

Have you ever had this experience?  You’re thinking about going out with friends to a restaurant or a party and thinking of all the things you won’t be able to hear.  Or perhaps you’re worried about making a fool of yourself or missing out on all the fun because you can’t hear properly?

I managed to catch myself in a similar negative spiral recently.  I love meeting friends and finding out what’s going on in their lives, but sometimes I feel like a fly on the wall as I watch them chatting away to each other while I turn my head from side to side like a spectator at Wimbledon, trying and often failing to keep up with the conversational ball.  It got to the point where I didn’t even want to go to parties at all and my husband had to drag me there almost screaming and kicking!

I used to find myself with brain-freeze, standing in the corner feeling incapable of joining in and unable to think of a thing to say.  There I was, trapped with negative thinking like: “Why it is always up to me to remind them that I can’t hear? What’s the point of starting a conversation when I always get lost off half-way through?  This is too hard.”  And so on.  No wonder it made me feel like going home early!

It’s obvious how much time and energy I was wasting on negative thinking.  Not only that, I was making my evening so much harder and more unpleasant for myself.  So I knew if I was ever going to enjoy my social life fully, I’d have to get rid of all those negative thoughts.  I even started a file called “Negative Thoughts” so I could have a real place to put them!

I’ve made it easier for myself by first relaxing with a cup of tea (or glass of wine!) while I get ready to go out.  I imagine myself sitting in a comfortable seat chatting easily to a friend right next to me.  I choose beforehand who I might want to speak to and new topics of conversation to get the talk flowing with ease.  I remind myself to focus on the positives – the joy of having friends and family who care about me and how much fun it is to people-watch. Our lack of hearing is often compensated by the heightening of our other senses so our ability to read body language is usually better than normal … in fact, I often pass somebody the salt before they even ask for it, much to their amazement, because I’m observing people more closely!

Try this yourself by examining your thinking about a party or event that you dread or avoid.  What are you thinking about yourself?  Are you focusing only on the negative stuff?  The truth is you can’t afford the expense of a single negative thought.  Just relax, look for ways to enjoy what you’re doing and replace those negatives with encouraging thoughts such as: “I can do this.”  It really does work and it’s much more fun than staying at home and feeling like a party pooper.  The old saying: “what you think is how you feel” is true – think yourself miserable and you’ll feel miserable … think yourself positive and you’ll not only talk and act positive, but you’ll feel positive too! Got to be worth a try surely?

More ideas and suggestions and ways to help cope with hearing loss can be found at Soundz Off.